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10 principles to help build trust


Trusting relationship - This is a type of close relationship in which each person has the opportunity to express himself as naturally as possible, as well as rely on help and support. Usually, in order to have trust and the opportunity to fully open to another person, it takes a certain time, but not always long-term relationships are trusting.

It is important that relations are built taking into account the following aspects:

  • faith in the words and actions of a person, the absence of the need to double-check what has been said or constantly search for alternatives,
  • honesty in relation to the interlocutor,
  • respect on which communication between people is based, equality,
  • adoption of not only “convenient”, positive qualities of a communication partner, but also other, possibly less pleasant, qualities of his character without trying to “re-educate”, “remake” another person,
  • willingness to seek joint solutions and compromises in case of disagreements and disputes in order to maintain confidence,
  • mutual support
  • security (both physically and psychologically), it is understood that in such relationships they do not expect betrayal and are not afraid to be completely open, exposing weaknesses.

There is no single standard by which such relations are built. Trust does not always mean that a spouse or girlfriend, relative must do one thing and not do the other and / or always adapt to the other. All people are different, and trust implies a certain freedom of choice for each participant in the relationship. It is important to avoid pressure, deception and manipulation in relation to each other and be able to agree, find acceptable options for both actions in certain cases.

A good example in this case is the situation when a wife wants her husband to give birth to her, and he is against it. Here you need to communicate and find out how important a joint birth is for a wife, to make a decision that will not undermine the trust in the couple.

Building trust requires time and effort on both sides. The presence of trust between people cannot be constant, and the level of its depth can fluctuate depending on what happens in the process of communication.

In the same way that trust is acquired, it is lost after betrayal, moreover, one misconduct is often enough for this. Betrayal is a violation of these promises or obligations and manipulations. Examples: disclosure of secrets, deceit, violation of marital fidelity, the use of a person for personal gain, etc. Often, when faced with betrayal, a person loses the ability to trust or it takes more time and effort to establish close relationships again.

To create and maintain trust, there are several recommendations that take into account the characteristics of interpersonal interaction. To communicate with a child, one should rely on certain principles, while when establishing trustful interaction with colleagues, emphasis will be placed on other elements.

1. Know your own mistakes

Each of us makes mistakes, but not everyone is able to admit this even to himself. However, if your ultimate goal is to build a trusting relationship, under no circumstances should you evade responsibility for what you did. You may have heard the phrase: "Concealment is worse than the crime itself?" This expression sounds especially true when you are trying to build yourself a trustworthy reputation in the eyes of those around you.

2. Be consistent in your words and actions

Always do what you say. Consistency in behavior is the fastest way to gain someone's trust. For example, when you make a promise, it automatically means that you keep this word. Many of us are trying to fail completely. In order to properly build confidence in your relationship, you should minimize the number of unnecessary mistakes to anyone.

3. Do not forget to trust people

Commitment and trust appear in one bundle of mutual actions. In one famous film called Meet the Parents, Jack Burns, who was superbly played by the unrivaled Robert De Niro, talks about trust in the Burns family: "We're not hiding anything from each other." The whole point of the said phrase is that with trust it really happens (except perhaps not as funny as in the film).

4. Try to listen to each other carefully

To be attentive means to be observant, at the same time, in every possible way to evade one’s own assessments from the side or extra judgments on one or another occasion. For example, in thinking about people to whom you have a fairly high confidence indicator, catch yourself thinking that only they are able to listen to you regardless of mood and weather forecast. Nowadays it is difficult to meet an attentive interlocutor. That is why this quality is simply invaluable in building trust in a relationship.

5. Show and show your interest

Showing genuine interest in a partner greatly helps to build your relationship, as well as greatly enhances your sense of trust. Such actions on your part are crucial for the further development and maintenance of reciprocity and understanding. When you show interest, you show your responsiveness. When a partner feels the sincerity that comes from you, in return you get such a welcome trust.

6. Know Yourself

Self-awareness is the ability to understand your character traits, your feelings and desires. Well-known psychologist Nan S. Russell speaks of self-awareness as a “golden key” to the search for trust in relationships. “For the most part, people don’t tend to understand that their actions signal and transmit information about them to other people. You can’t do things consciously, excluding the knowledge of yourself. ” It is impossible to build trust in a relationship when your actions signal the opposite.

1. Contract of care

The first point that needs to be spelled out in a relationship is the obligation to protect each other from stressful situations and mental anxieties caused by disregard for behavior. The partners agree in writing not to cause unnecessary troubles to each other, to provide reliable rear and support, to take care and inform at their own expense. Husband and wife should not force each other to blush for their behavior, put pressure on weaknesses, make another jealous or suffer torment of uncertainty. They also pledge to restrain unreasonable anger and desires that may harm their couple. The purpose of the contract is to preserve the feelings of your partner, and not act to his detriment.

2. Partnership contract

To create a really strong cell of society, give each other a word not to abandon previously accepted obligations in a relationship, not to shrug off promises. Treason is an open disregard for the feelings of a partner, an unwillingness to protect the integrity of the family. Blackmail and the threat of a break ("either me or your friends!", "I will leave if you do not change your job") - also relate to non-fulfillment of the contract. Discuss all the nuances of your partnership before deciding to become a family. What roles will you play? Life, childcare, illness - what to do in this case? Who makes money in your family and who provides comfort? Eliminate all distortions, you can not pull the blanket over yourself or satisfy the needs of a partner to the detriment of your own desires. Seek compromises, share responsibility, do not be each other's burden.

3. The contract of openness

Make an agreement with your loved one about an open discussion of disagreements on the day they arise, if you want to avoid serious grievances and omissions. Remember, hiding negative feelings is now prohibited! That which does not suit, frightens or does not coincide with your ideas, it is better to speak immediately and in a calm tone, without misleading anyone, not silent with true feelings. Stop playing victims and look for the guilty, stop manipulating insults, lying and withholding information that will later play a trick on you. Discuss feelings right away, so you can prevent a lot of quarrels and protect your partner from devastating guilt. At least, it will be possible to avoid the stupid actions that provoke a thirst for revenge for unspoken pain.

4. Pleasure contract

From the day you decided to start a family, you have made a voluntary commitment to bring joy and pleasure to each other. No need to be afraid to openly discuss your preferences in sex, any nuance that makes you happy is important. Talk about your desires and carefully listen to your partner’s requests, then follow each other’s little whims, even if you’re not particularly ecstatic. Relationships are valuable not only in the presence of material support, but also in the gifts that we give each other, emotional support. Inability to share joys leads to the accumulation of discontent, is fraught with sexual dissatisfaction, tension and the accumulation of mutual discontent. Try to bring each other's life to life, and you will never feel the need to rest on the side of each other.

5. Peace contract

Finally, the last paragraph in the agreement on trust must indicate the willingness to step over personal egoism in order to maintain peace in relations. What does it look like? Both partners need to learn to develop the ability to concede in a dispute, even if the other does not want to let another point of view into their world. More often remind yourself why you decided to be together - to love or to be right? Sometimes in life together you have to compromise, change your usual way of life, sacrifice the joys of the past because of the opportunity to be together. This is normal, some opportunities go away, and others open in return. You need to choose not in favor of yourself or your partner, but in favor of the family, what will help maintain the relationship?

Naturally, there will be quarrels and omissions, but this should not prevent you from learning from your own mistakes, taking into account the individuality of each. Do not be afraid of a lost course; the ability to accept and forgive will help you stay afloat. Maintaining trust in a relationship is not always easy, but all the more valuable is the reward that both receive if they choose love.

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7. Cultivate a sense of punctuality

Inability to manage and properly manage your time is unforgivable. Such behavior can be seen as an indicator of disrespect towards other people. The thing is that it is very difficult for people around you to rely on and trust in you. In addition, your constant lack of punctuality jeopardizes all your actions and actions. In the end, it has a destructive power.

8. Communicate freely and openly.

Sometimes openness and honesty bring discomfort. This is especially indicative when in every way you shy away from creating conflict situations. Despite everything, an open form of communication simplifies and smooths out many difficult situations. Effective and proper communication can be the most important key in the development of trusting relationships.

9. Resolve conflicts quickly

Each conflict situation is disastrous in relation to trust. It is for this reason that it is especially important to resolve the conflict at its initial stage. In no case should you resolve the conflict, being in a somewhat aggressive state. For example, when you find yourself in a conflict situation, show all the power of your politeness. Believe me, what you see will pleasantly surprise you.

10. Be an example to follow

There is no better method for building trust than demonstrating behavior. Perhaps this phrase may mean a common decision. Always tell the truth and be sincere, avoiding gossip and gossip. Build your communication with people so that they can trust you. In return, you will feel a certain ease in the ability to trust others. In a word - this is the same "circle of trust."